Am I 100% sure that he had a heart attack? No tests were done to verify it, but there doesn't seem to be many other reasons why we would have spent a nice day together, gone to bed laughing, only to find him gone a few hours later when I got up to use the bathroom.
Needless to say the weeks since have been excruciatingly painful for me. I am physically and emotionally drained. My heart has felt literally broken at times, and I feel like I'm carrying around a heavy weight. I never would have imagined that grief could be so painful.
Can the stress from the loss of a loved one literally cause heart issues? Yes, but generally, they are temporary. It is a condition called broken heart syndrome. Mayo Clinic explains that the shock of the loss disrupts the normal functioning of the heart for a period of time. You can read more about it at the above link, or in more detail at the American Heart Association website.
I was already on a Beta Blocker, a medication for high blood pressure, so have a feeling it protected me somewhat from this, but it was interesting to find that such a condition existed. My daughter's friend told her to have me take a baby aspirin each day for a while. That is what a doctor had her mother do. I had some around the house, so for a while took one every other day, but will not make it a regular thing until talking to my doctor at my next appointment.
So I have the long journey of grief ahead of me. Though things are working out financially etc., I wish I had been more prepared mentally and spiritually for loss. Few of us want to take time to prepare our minds for such a possibility, and because I wasn't prepared, I was caught completely off guard, even though I knew this was a possibility with his health condition. It is all so surreal to me, though slowly, I am processing, crying, crying, and crying some more, as I learn to accept this new reality. My entire life has changed, almost every aspect of it was touched by my now-absent husband, and I feel it acutely. If you have a loving spouse, love him/her deeply in return. You would be amazed at all the "I wish I hads" I've had to deal with since my husband's passing. Regrets are a natural part of grief, so I try to keep them in perspective. I am glad we had a happy last day together and the last sound I heard from him was his laughter. I will miss him deeply until we meet again.
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IMAGE & INFORMATION SOURCE CREDIT: Unless otherwise noted, images were received from Wholefood Farmacy as part of an email educational series. Certain posts contain information from that educational series with personal insights added. All such information is used with permission.